Only 4 Weeks…

How is this even the same person? Has it really only been 4 weeks between these photos!? I have some opening up to do today. Good and bad, ugly and beautiful. 

My bladder woke me up early this morning. That’s what I get for trying to squeeze in more water before bed. I couldn’t get back to sleep so my day started at 4:05am. Tuesday and Thursdays are the challenging water classes, so I was PUMPED to get up to the pool. Called grandma and made sure she wasn’t going to be lazy this morning and we got out the door early enough for me to do some muuuuch needed stretching before class. I, uh, may have overdone it yesterday. Sore isn’t quite a dramatic enough word to describe my body this morning, but we will have to use that. 60 seconds in the water and I was golden again. Blasted my class and had a blast. 

Getting out of the pool, I noticed how much easier it is to get out than it used to be. I don’t have to drag myself; my back doesn’t threaten to cave once gravity returns. I’ve lost the most inches in the area I need it off of the most for my back’s sake. I have been working my abs hard, really freaking hard, and it’s paying off for sure. That small observation set the tone for my whole day. I decided it would be a good day to get out and walk. And I did, almost two miles! While at a department store, the pain returned so I had to get a chair to finish up. Unfortunately, a miscommunication about me wanting to roll the chair myself to exercise my arms led to my husband jumpstarting the chair forward while my fingers were inside the wheel. I now have two broken fingers on my right hand. 

My first thought wasn’t even for my fingers. I immediately started stressing out about how I was going to do my workouts and pool fitness without being able to hold weights. I was genuinely panicking, but thankfully Melissa had the idea of putting wrist weights on. Hopefully they have wrist weights at the gym but if not, looks like I’ll have to spend more money. I’m not about to let it stop me. We finished up the shopping and came home where I splinted my fingers and got set to getting my daughter’s school area set up. I have the confidence and capacity to teach her from home instead of taking up a spot in the high-risk program for k-3. I’m soooo close to being fit enough to carry her too. I am beyond excited to teach her more formally and take her on field trips and explorations. It’s going to be awesome!

Now for the bad and ugly (aside from my ugly fingers). My left leg. I have been so overweight and taken almost no pictures for so long that I hadn’t really seen my thighs in a few years. A couple weeks ago, after my stomach had shrunk enough to see my legs, I realized my left from the top of my calf all the way up is so much larger than my right. My initial reaction was fear, because I worried about lymphedema or a blood clot. But my doctor said it’s because of the nerve issues from my back affecting that leg so it has been chronically underused for many years. I still worry it’s more, but he is completely unconcerned. 

But now, I have become extremely self-conscious about it. I don’t want anyone to see that knee. It looks deformed to me. I’ve been working very hard to strengthen that muscle and it’s finally helping a little, but I just feel… I don’t know, weirded out by just how different it is. I’ve come so far with my self-image acceptance and even appreciation, but I haven't been able to get over this. So, I decided to start taking pictures of it, not just to face showing it to people, but to document how that leg changes as it gets stronger. So here it is, my ugly knee! Let it burn your eyes!

I’m super proud of my progress though. Other than my stomach, the arm muscles I’ve built are my proudest achievement. Stomach is my proudest loss, and my arms are my proudest gain. I am so, so much stronger. Lifting things, especially my kiddo, are ez life now. I focus on these things, I look back through my pictures, and they keep my mind strong. 2 days of the #21daychallenge and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished these last two days. Food on point, exercise on point. Still working on that water though. My goal for tomorrow is to get that whole gallon in and keep it up. 

Stay focused. Stay strong. Pain be damned. Excuses crushed under your heel. Pull out all you have and finish stronger than ever. ♥️