SomeHowSomeWayEveryDay

Hellloooooooo, my friends. Welcome! I am returned to myself. A long post is incoming, so if you have time to read and would like to experience the past couple of days with me, grab a drink and settle in. I was feeling pretty good last night but didn’t want to jinx myself by saying I’d be back to normal today. I woke up feeling 99% today, so I giddily slipped on my swimsuit and took my happy self to the gym. But first! Yesterday. Boy, oh boy, yesterday was a test of my body in progress. I briefly mentioned this collar/shoulder pain I’d been having for a while but didn’t really discuss much past that. A little additional context here: my body has done some really mysterious things since starting the journey to not just become healthy (because that is an understatement and a half because of the point I started from), but to reverse the many dangerously unhealthy illnesses I brought upon myself. I’ve experienced the return of menses after almost a year of its absence. I’ve seen lumps and b...

It was a long day. Me and my boobies are tired. Good news though! Both I and my boobies tested negative for all things unsavory today! More details on that, and slaying my day, tomorrow! I want to sleep more than I want to write tonight. I may have been very bored being stuck in this little dressing room by myself and may have been missing my husband and may have quickly done a double check to ensure no one was going to interrupt me and may have had a fashion show to send silly pictures to my husband stuck at home.

Thought I would post while I waited for my groceries to come out. Lying down for a nap has become a bane of roulette for me. Sometimes I land on a couple hours. Sometimes I hit the jackpot and wake up the next day. My “I just need to close my eyes for a bit” at 5:30 last night turned into a 11-hour nap. But I think it really did me some good. My pain level is so much improved this morning and the swelling where my skin infection (it’s in the soft tissue below the skin, not on the top) is almost gone. Yay for restorative rest! But not great missing medicine doses. Hopefully it’ll be alright. While I haven’t been able to do much in the way of exercise, I have been consistent with food and water. I may have used one of this week’s cheat meals for saltines, but oh well. I have also kept myself waking up at 4-5 so I don’t lose that habit. I heard something the other day that stuck with me. “You get what you repeat.” I continue to repeat my good habits even while sick so that I will continue...

Trust your instincts with your body. My arm pain kept getting overlooked because of our covid. I spent the entire morning and afternoon at urgent care because I just knew something wasn’t right. After 6 hours, it was found that I have a serious infection under the skin, bad enough to even show up on my blood work. Antibiotics started and culture is in the works. I have felt worse today than at any point since I started getting sick Thursday. My fever is only mild, but I have been racked with chills and shakes. The paxlovid has not been kind to my body either. The only exercise I’ve gotten in the last two days is walking to and from the car and bathroom. I don’t like it, not at all. I’m sticking with the food (when I can eat) and taking in as many fluids as I can though. And I’m trying to keep a positive attitude and choose happiness. I did get to enjoy a few NSVs today. -My left arm has thinned up enough to use the BP cuff. -My veins are no longer buried so deep that they have to be du...

I’m getting ready to do some preaching. It ain’t Sunday, but I’m going to let loose the fire. If you don’t want to feel uncomfortable or pull some scales off your eyes today, skip to the end where I’ll just list off my goals for next round. I’ve been tackling the challenge I mentioned a couple posts ago, and in so, I’ve been thinking about and formulating a lot of tough questions and truths. I’ve been working hard to motivate myself. While other people inspire me, motivation comes from within. This truth hit pretty hard to me. After all, the program is called “Eager to Motivate” so surely that means motivation can come from outside myself, yeah? It was already something I felt broken for— if motivation so easily comes from watching others or their words, why does my motivation ever wane when I’m in this incredible group of superstars and encouragers? Then, while re-watching Dr. Resi’s lives, she said something that finally connected the dots for me. Paraphrasing here but the message wa...

I’ll be transitioning into my “talkin’ to the NGs” mode next week so I want to let out this final emotional struggle that I’ve been dealing with for a couple of weeks. I’ve mentioned it in passing and I’ve tried to assign it to different things in my life that I thought were the root. But it finally hit me today that I was trying to do with emotions what I had done with my weight for so long: find an external blame when the problem was myself. It wasn’t intentional, of course. Valid things like toxic friendships, a sudden relapse into debt, a toddler hitting the terrible phase, husband going back to work full time (and a half), my smell and taste issues… they all seemed completely reasonable things to attribute my sadness, stress and anxiety to! It finally struck me this morning as I was pushing my fevered and aching body through the water of the pool—I’m the fault for these feelings. I don’t trust myself. Even after 16 weeks of consistent progress, I don’t trust myself. I always feel ...

Around 2 pm yesterday, I started feeling a little sick. By midnight, I had a full blown cold and 100.5 fever. Super-fast development. Better than feeling it coming on for days though! Not how I wanted to end the round for sure, but I’m going to try my best to look amazing for end of round pictures! Can’t wait to show them this weekend. But today, I’m going to rest, get lots of fluids, and watch as many Disney princess movies as I can between naps. As you can see from this picture as I waited for my Covid and flu tests, my daughter feels just fine. (She dropped her food, so I had to black it out!) Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow for pictures!

Today will be birthday things so I may as well post early. But also, because my body committed mutiny this morning because I didn’t go to the gym. I woke up at 3:00 again. I’m good with 4:00 but 3:00 is just too early, man. 3:00 still feels like the night before, not the morning of. I was freezing so I got up and went to the shower and just stood in the hot water until I stopped shivering. I grabbed my swimsuit and headed out the door to take myself for a birthday breakfast of my old eggs and coffee before going to the gym and grocery store. As soon as I stepped outside, I regretted it. The 29-degree weather slapped me in the face like a mullet fish on meth. I hurried into the car, cranked it, and shook the car until the heater took away that second set of shivers. I tossed the swimsuit to the side and said, “Nope. Not today. To hell with this cold.” So, I drove to breakfast and decided to just sit in the car until 7 when the grocery store opened. I’m just hanging out, scrolling Facebo...

I woke up entirely too early this morning. I swore when I checked my phone, it said 6:00, so I kept urging myself to wake up despite how tired I still felt. I finally got out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom, only to find out it was actually 3:00. I know myself, so I knew if I laid down again, I’d wake too late for the gym, so I made myself stay up. I did some packing (45 days early is ok for packing, right?) until I could leave for the gym. By that time, I just did not want to go anywhere. I thought of the day my friend Dana had today and I dragged myself out to get my workout done. About 45 minutes into my workout, I thought “It won’t hurt to lay my head on the edge of the pool while I do my leg workouts.” Wrong. I dozed off. I startled back awake still doing a zombie version of high knees, not Thriller style. I peeled my eyes open and turned my music up. I’m sure I wasn’t out for very long at all because the lifeguard hadn’t moved, but I’ll be careful not to do that again. Early ...

Lying there on the table, with a regal purple but cheap hospital gown, my flapjack boobs hanging to my sides, I discovered something incredible. I can do sit-ups. Me, Jamie Rose, can do sit-ups! I woke up late today, too late to go to the gym and be home in time for mom responsibilities. I made up for it throughout the day, but my days always feel quite strange when I don’t start them off in the water. I did a lot of planning this morning, exciting but stressful, planning out all the days of our December trip. I hope by planning with so much detail that I won’t be caught off guard by any surprise expenses. Plus, I do enjoy my checklists! I had an appointment at the Breast Health clinic today because of some worrisome symptoms. The nurse was fantastic. She was happy to talk just as much as I am, so we had a cheerful conversation as we reviewed my and my family medical history. After she was finished with her nursely duties, she handed me the dreaded open-front gown. In the past, these t...

Wow. Just wow. I had a whole post planned out for today, but I decided to focus on my family time today so no super long post. Plus, I think this picture speaks for itself. Left is May, a month before I started E2M, and the right is today. This was the shirt I had my brother make me for the Atlanta meetup. I haven’t even put it on until today because I was too disappointed about missing the event, but I decided to wear it to the playground today. Imagine my surprise that it fit so loosely, everywhere but my boobs of course. Have a great Sunday y’all.

Y’all. These cold mornings are not for everyone. Me, I’m everyone. Don’t get me wrong, I love cold weather and sweatshirts and fleece blankets. But my autopilot hasn’t caught up that I can’t just walk out of the gym in a wet swimsuit anymore. I had a beautiful dream last night. The kind of dream most people would forget, but not me. I dreamed that I washed dishes in the sink by hand. Are you scratching your head? You may not understand why the heck I’d find such a mundane dream so beautiful. Let me explain. I used to really enjoy washing dishes by hand. Rinsing them off and watching the grime slowly melt or chip away was like a front row seat at a magic show for my ADD; I’ve always loved water (if you couldn’t tell by now) so the swishing and swashing and running water were soothing; and I looooved how clean and soft my hands and nails were when I finished. I haven’t been able to stand at a sink and wash dishes in about 4 or 5 years because of my back and wrists. This dream brought me ...

The day is about to get really busy so I’m going to squeeze in a quick post. I chose to stay up late with my husband last night because I’ve missed him this week on his new 12-hour work schedule. I went to bed at 1 and woke up at 5 like, “I asked for this.” While my eyes burned and joints bemoaned the lack of rest, I got up and went to the gym anyway. The first picture is just my quick snap then running away before someone sees me. Know what I see in this picture? My traps! They’re getting so much more visible and are hard enough that my straps no longer dig into them. And I may be crazy, but I swear my collar bone is trying to make a breakthrough. I can barely see it’s form but there’s the slightest of shadows and it makes me so happy!! Great workout and I was able to stay longer to chat with Amanda. Showered and came home. I needed to pluck a few lady goatee hairs and decided to show a side by side of what I meant about my eyebrows yesterday. The left one never completely disappeared...

Sometimes, one of the most precious gifts you can give yourself is to take yourself away from someone else. That’s never an easy task, and often feels completely wrong when you do it. But in these situations where it’s the right decision for you, you’ll find that afterward, you find peace with it. I woke up this morning in the mood to get things done. My mind much clearer, my heart much lighter, and my emotions much more stable. I got straight out of bed, in my swimsuit and out the door. Today was bittersweet though, as it is my last day of going out for breakfast. I’m going to miss my girls and their daily morning encouragement, but for the sake of finances and staying on plan, it’s what I have to do. Because of my husband’s new, permanent work schedule, I’ve made the decision to move my eating window to have lunch and dinner rather than breakfast and lunch. Once I adjust to the new morning routine of Stok coffee and straight to the gym, I think I’ll be better off since resisting havi...

I couldn’t find the inspiration to write yesterday. I’m in the strangest state of mind I have ever experienced, even stranger than while I was pregnant. I feel like my brain is trying to cope with the overwhelming emotions by compartmentalizing and distancing them. For example, I am simultaneously as determined as ever about my health while also being anxious enough to want to disappear; but these things never coexist, like two atoms that never touch. It’s BIZZARE. I bet Dr. Resi knows a term for it but I don’t know how else to describe it. It makes me feel a little dissociative though. When I went to write yesterday, I couldn’t tell my story, because it felt… far away, if that makes any sense. It doesn’t make sense so I’m going to hush about that for now. Yesterday was an ok day. The longer my daughter is on this early riser schedule, the better her moods have gotten. We have made it through three days now without complete meltdowns. It helps me be happy for her to be in a good mood. ...

I always look forward to stormy and rainy days. Why? Because when they clear, I get my rainbow. I can’t explain my connection to rainbows, but they give me life. They lift my soul. They brighten my world. No matter how many I have seen and how many more are to come, they are magic to me every time. I told Cori yesterday that I needed a rainbow, but there wasn’t one coming, so she sent me a virtual one. Not the same, but I always appreciate her giving me so much support. I pulled myself together to go work out and do family day at the pool. We left too early because I got their hours wrong (since I usually don’t go on Sundays), so I told my husband he would have to take my daughter to the playground while I waited in the car. There is no way to park close to the playground and the walk to and from it is like a 70-degree angled hill at the beginning and a long (to me) stretch of field. Further than I’ve walked in one go in years, and I definitely haven’t been climbing any embankments. I ...