SomeHowSomeWayEveryDay

Late post, whoops! Leg was still uncooperative this morning so I did all upper body work this morning. My baby girl even joined me! She used the 3lb weights too. Not bad for 3 years old. She amazes me and loves to be “big strong” like mommy.  Not going to write an essay tonight because I took another one of my super long naps today and have a lot to catch up on now. But! I’m going to be in Savannah Friday evening if anyone is in the area and wants to meet! Then we will be in Orlando until the 14th if anyone around there would like to meet on one of our non-Park days. Star and I will be meeting at Disney Springs on the 6th if any others would like to hang out for a little bit as well. The 14th-16th, I’ll be in Charleston too! I’d love to meet some fellow E2M people on my trip so let me know if you want to!

It’s been a weird couple of days. I didn’t talk about yesterday because I was waiting to wrap my head around it all after getting all my blood work back and the scans on my leg.  So, I definitely have some kind of infection in my body, but we don’t know where. Explains why I can’t shake the fever. I don’t have any obvious symptoms of infection to even help pinpoint it either. It’s frustrating. But other than elevated WBC and neutrophils, some inflammation and being a bit low on Vitamin D, all of my blood work (all 8 tubes of it) came back perfect, better than it has looked in a long time. My leg… welp, I have a stress fracture in my shin. Yay me. Like I needed anything else to start hurting. 😂 My normal workout didn’t happen today.  I did go to the gym today though, to deliver the Rose family Christmas toys! We were able to provide Christmas for 30 children this year. What an amazing thing to be part of. It’s a program called Country Santa here in the upstate. I hope to be ab...

Homework from Jeff Spoon. These pictures and those numbers above them are everything. I haven’t been perfect, not even close, and you’ll never see me aim for it either. Life isn’t perfect, and constantly setting my sights on perfection would not help me in any way. What I want, all I care about, is making every day an improvement; whether that’s by how I eat, how I move, how I respond, how I feel, how I perceive, I commit to consistently improve. I haven’t had a single week here that I’ve been 100% or 10 out of 10. But I kept trying. I keep pushing. I keep advancing. Because that’s the foundation, my bricks I’ve been laying. Let me say this: I. Don’t. Give. A. Flip: what I look like, what size I am, how much I weigh, as long as I get healthy. Period. The rest is insignificant to me. I’m here to live, to find balance, to be strong. The rest of those things don’t even spark an interest for me. It’s totally understandable that those goals motivate others, but I just want my life after com...

A little heavy talk today, but my headspace isn’t where it needs to be for me to give a pep talk, so just going to journal a bit.  The last two days brought some interesting things to light about how I’m changing. I’ll start with the physical things. I’m still in shock about my blood sugar being back to normal without insulin. From everything I was ever given to read or study, diabetes doesn’t just reverse itself as quickly as mine has. Every time I take my blood sugar, I feel like it’s too good to be true, like it must be a fluke or some symptom of something new being wrong with me because I’ve been told it’s just impossible. And oddly enough, I obsess over my blood sugar now more often than I did before. Presumably just because I can’t believe it. I’ll get my a1c numbers tomorrow and I hope if they’re normal again, it’ll help cement this for me.  There’s also been my parosmia beginning to fade. While recovering from Covid, I noticed some smells and tastes returning. I didn’t...

Two days of a severe headache but I got back to it this morning. I laid down with Bryn for a nap at 4:30 yesterday and didn’t wake up until 1am, despite all the noise. My husband’s howler monkey imitations were what finally woke me up.  I got up for a while, drank a lot of water and spent some time with him and then laid back down from 3:30-6. Then got up and got ready for the gym. Being home more often lately as I try not to get any more sicknesses before going to Disney has caused my knees to hurt again. I don’t usually have trouble with them outside of walking stairs, but when I’m home more, that means sitting on the couch more. Fun Jamie fact: I have unusually short legs. Most of my family does. It’s like when we were hung out to dry, we got put upside down so our torsos got all stretched out. I’m 5’6” with a 25” inseam. I say all this to say, I can’t sit comfortably on a normal couch or chair because my legs just stick out in front of me instead of being able to angle down and...

Impromptu rest day today. I woke up too early, with a headache. I got on my recumbent for 10 minutes then switched over to the rowing machine, but only got about 4 minutes in before the headache got too strong to continue exerting. I was hoping some coffee and water would break my headache, but alas, it’s been 12 hours and it’s still here. I rarely got headaches before I had the epidural injection back in July, but now I have them often, some days much worse than others. I still find a reason to smile though, every day! I put on my self-rep shirt for coffee today. Some memories popped up on my widget screen and I couldn’t help but be astounded by the changes in my face, not just the size, but the proportions have changed so much. Even my nose, it’s crazy. I don’t even know what I’m going to look like when I get to a healthy weight because I’ve been morbidly obese since 4th grade. You’re all on this adventure with me, and I have no idea where we are going, but I’m loving the journey. Th...

Today has been one of those days where I just needed to remind myself how far I’ve come. I’m trying to change a lot of habits in my life, not just food/exercise related. And it’s overwhelming. I have come to a place where I want to make every part of my life healthier, not just healthier but the best I can make it and trying to undo decades of bad habits is stressful. I’m trying to pace myself while also pushing myself and I’m struggling with the balance. I’ll figure it out in time, but I’m such an impatient person by default that just that in itself is frustrating. When I feel like “I have to fix everything, now,” I have to take time to reflect on the progress I’ve already made and how an imperfect journey has still given me so much of my life back. I don’t need to rush to perfect everything to still get to where I want to be. I’m proud of myself for continuing to go to the gym every day to swim despite how freaking cold it is at 5am. I wear a sweatshirt over my swimsuit each morning ...

My sleep habits haven’t fully returned to normal yet. I spend most of the mornings operating on far too little sleep and then crashing in the afternoons which sometimes means I don’t wake up until what should be the time I go to bed. I’m working on getting back to my old schedule. Sorry for missing a post yesterday. I had something to talk about Saturday and ended up with little time to do it so I didn’t and now being outside the moment of it makes it feel odd to talk about it. Anyone else know how that feels? Like, the moment of feels passes so trying to go back and write about it feels contrived? But I’m going to try to do it anyway! My first two rounds, I undervalued rest days. I often went as far as to say I hated them. I don’t think I ever actually did; I think I was just scared of enjoying them. Afraid that if I liked not working out one day, that meant I liked being lazy or liked easy things or, worse, it meant I wasn’t changing myself enough and I’d end up quitting on myself. T...

I had a post planned, but then putting together the home gym equipment and an unexpected need for a nap did me in. But. I have an announcement that doesn’t need any more words. I AM OFFICIALLY OFF OF INSULIN. Round 3, week 3, day 2 was my last shot of insulin. Ima flex on ’em about that.

I may feel better than I have in years, but I also feel like I’ve aged a few decades. This falling asleep at 6pm stuff needs to staaaaaahp. It does make sense though, because when I first started E2M, exercise made me so tired that I often fell asleep between 6 and 7 at night. I guess having been sick for several weeks then getting back to it was like a mini-reset on my body’s energy levels so I’ve ended up back to that early sleep schedule again. Hopefully it’ll level out before Disney because, listen here Jamie, fireworks aren’t until 9 and we ain’t missing them! I told myself so I better listen. Another 11 hour sleep last night, only this time it was restorative like it should be. I woke up so refreshed and ready to go, even if I woke up later than normal. I rushed to get to the gym before the usual pool crowds would arrive. I’ve decided not to do my typical cardio in the pool anymore, but at home. It just takes more exertion than is sustainable for me to break a sweat in the pool—l...

This body apparently didn’t appreciate the workout this morning, or at least wasn’t ready for it, so I’m achy and tired. I was yesterday too… fell asleep shortly after 5pm and woke up at 3:30 this morning. I think I’m going to just swim tomorrow, nothing too strenuous, because I think I may have been unwise to jump back in full-force the last two days. Just going to listen to my body and wing it. Managed better pictures this morning and was pleased to see progress! Just a little over a week and wow! Some of it was probably some of the bloat from sickness going down, but I know my boobs weren’t bloated. It was much needed reassurance that I hadn’t lost my progress just by having to slow my momentum while sick. I actually could use a new suit, but I’m done with one pieces after this one. And look, the bicep is coming throoouuuuugghhh! So excited! I have some hard-earned muscles waiting to shine once they are uncovered. I can’t wait to see them and have that additional reminder of why I w...

I’m glad I posted yesterday. And of course, I knew I would be, but it didn’t feel like it in the moment. People who don’t post and don’t reach out to others in the group really are missing out on the best part of the program. The connections are beautiful and so, so worth putting ourselves out there. I spent some time texting Anna last night. When I have a lot on my plate and I need to be heard without worrying about it hurting someone else’s progress or mood, she’s my go to. I could literally lay in the floor and be all the negative things in the world and that girl would find a way to pick my big ol butt up and it not cause her to stumble—metaphorically of course because I’m sure physically, she would likely break trying to literally lift me. Anyway! After a much-needed non-professional therapy session, my head was back on straight. I decided I’m not going to hide in the house for three weeks until the trip because, clearly, that was not helpful for my mental or physical health. So, ...

This is forced. But it's also honest. I feel like if I don't post today, it could be a very, very long time before I do. My mind is in that spot, where it could tip over either way, to the side of success or the side of resetting. I'm forcing myself to post because I don't want to allow myself to stop posting. This weekend was rough. And I guess to understand a little better why, I'll just spill the beans. It probably didn't make much sense that my excuse for feeling like I didn't want to post was just because of the lingering sickness. I've been sick for a month now so why would one more fever have broken my will? Because I was literally about to leave for Raleigh when the fever came back. I had taken two covid tests Friday morning to ensure I was good to go, and we were minutes from heading out the door. I had booked my airbnb last week and wanted to show up in surprise. Gas in the car, bags packed, beautiful little cottage in Apex waiting, and then my...

Are y’all watching Dr. Resi? If you’re not, watch her. I don’t even care if you think you don’t need the mental support (I’m willing to bet nearly all of us actually DO need it), just watch. I always enjoy watching her, but this last one hit really good. I woke up this morning with a headache. Probably because I’ve been clenching my teeth so much. I have a mouth guard I need to mold this evening, should help take care of the headaches. I felt sluggish like I could sleep a few more hours but I made myself get up and start getting ready. I walked to the dryer to grab a swimsuit and realized… I never put my clothes in the dryer last night. Well, great. I still had one swim top to wear but no bottoms. I had decided that even if it meant ruining another pair of my black bike shorts, I was going anyway. But then I remembered! I had a swim skirt I had ordered from a clearance sale a couple months ago that hadn’t even been close to fitting, like couldn’t even get past mid-thigh. “Ah, what the ...

5 months ago, I could never have imagined finding somewhere I felt at home other than in my own home with my little family and pets. If anyone had said “6 months from now, you’ll be 25% smaller, a vocal member of a new tribe of over 100k people, and yearning for all the time in the gym you can get,” I would have kicked their shins for mocking me. Nothing can change that quickly, can it? Yes. It absolutely can, if the change happens from the inside out. My life changed almost overnight because of E2M. One day, my aunt sent me a message about a program she was doing because I was so frustrated and tired of trying to manage my diabetes. I was eating better, not great, but I was still having such a hard time keeping my levels down. I would eat a salad and my glucose still be over 200 two hours later, even on 46 units a day of insulin. I was so tired and discouraged. I read about the program, asked a couple of questions, and decided that even if it was a Hail Mary, I would just go for it. I...

I didn’t get home until midnight last night, fell into bed and cried myself to sleep. Shame and fear. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this in a group post, and it’s really vulnerable for me to open up about like this, but I suffer from severe health anxiety. If you have it, you know well what that means. For those unfamiliar, it’s basically like living with the constant worry that every little pain or illness that happens to you is because you’re dying. Random pain in your arm, it’s a heart attack. Bump on your skin, it’s cancer. Lymph nodes swollen, it’s lymphoma. Like…it’s exhausting. I had health anxiety as a child because I went through several scares with my health around puberty, that’s a loooong story. After my mom passed and I stopped caring about life, it improved. But then after having my daughter and the pandemic, it became worse than ever. My anxiety has been heightened ever since my mysterious chest pain started a couple of months ago, but I handled it well. Until I g...

The day has been too long. But what matters is that I got to go to the gym today. Oh how I love the water. Also, I really need a haircut. Also also, Amanda gave me a whole bag of rainbows for my birthday and it made my week. Will post tomorrow with more about today and my musings. Sorry, friends! Two rough posts in a row, I don’t mean to be lackluster, I’ll make sure to make the time to sparkle tomorrow.

Not my usual post today because I have been buuuusy and had very little chance to properly think. We spent all morning running errands, all afternoon starting on Christmas wrapping. Look, don’t come for me! I want to get it all done before my epidural on the 29th because it’s going to put me out of commision for a few days and then we leave on the 2nd. So, I need to do it. Did I blast Christmas music and enjoy every moment of it though? Yes. Yes, I did. Also yes, I do have a rainbow Christmas tree. Some people don’t like the thought of beginning the Christmas celebration this early, and I used to be one of them. But my mom was one of those year-round Christmas lovers, and my extended celebration of it is homage to her and makes me feel more connected to her as well as less depressed through the season. I was able to ride my bike a full 10 minutes today without any breathlessness and only had to stop because of hip pain. The woes of having the apron pushing my hips apart still (let’s ge...

Call me Irate Irene today because I am -irritated.- People trying to bring out the worst in me today, but you know what? They ain’t gettin’ it. I’m gonna stay irritated but I refuse to be bothered. I choose to be inspirational and show up like any other day! I talk about choices a lot. All my life, I never realized how important the choices me make matter. How can something we do a hundred times a day, decide, matter so much. Surely quality isn’t as so important when you’ve got such a huge quantity! I’ve learned just how wrong that thought process was. Why? Because even our smallest and seemingly most insignificant choices become habits. And often, the easiest choices aren’t the healthiest ones, and those easy choices make our brain happy because it got to save a little energy so guess what it wants to do next time? Yep, it wants to make that easy choice again, and before you know it, your brain made it into a habit. While sitting at my Poppaw’s house today, I was mindlessly staring at...

I am cautiously optimistic this morning. I woke up without a fever and with much less head congestion. I’m sure it could still swing either way throughout the day, but for now, I’m enjoying being able to breathe through my nose! I finally got my before pictures and weigh in video done last night. I did noooot feel like it but winning the OG contest spurred me to get it done. Thank you all for the unwavering love and support I feel every day here. My 101 fever and gross self put on my next size down two piece (that you will see me absolutely rocking by week 8!) and got the pics done. I didn’t want to show my stomach in my after pictures last round, and thankfully didn’t have to because I had gotten smaller enough to cover it with the same bottoms, I took my before shot in. Let me tell you the story of my tummy. It’s been a ride. At the start of E2M, I looked like the Michelin man. Rolls on rolls. By the start of round two, my middle roll had kind of just, moved all to the front, I guess...

Is it acceptable to be angry at a virus? Like, to actually want to throw hands? If you said no, too bad, I chose violence anyway. I laid in bed when I woke up and just punched the air all around my face, imagining all the tiny Covid particles getting their tiny butts obliterated. Yes, I know it doesn’t work that way, but it’s how I coped with waking up with my head feeling like it would burst. Thankfully, the pressure started letting up pretty quickly after getting out of bed. My uncle passed last night. He was only 72, but decades of mistreating his body took a heavy toll on him. 12 years ago, he was given 6 months to live and by God, he showed those doctors. Dean was a man’s man, 6’2” and burly. I remember the first time my husband met him; we came home, and he said “I don’t even feel like a man anymore. That’s a man.” I laughed so hard. My husband’s friends from New York came down a couple years later and had the pleasure of meeting him and the sentiment was the same among them; the...

The last couple of days have been confusing, and a little scary. Family matters: prayers for my great grandfather who is 92 and fell due to severe dehydration and also has Covid now and my great uncle who is passing from this world would be sincerely appreciated. Now that we all have Covid, at least we are able to be around and support each other now even if we are a symphony of sneezes, coughs and sharts at the moment. I have been sick since the 19th. My husband and grandmother tested positive for Covid on the 22nd. I was given an assumed positive and put on antivirals. I was never laid out sick like they were, just fatigued and fevered. I continued to test negative as recently as Saturday. I get fine over the weekend, just the occasional mild fever spike. My grandfather fell Sunday and I was planning to go spend some time him at the hospital yesterday. Well, I woke up Monday not feeling right. I finally had that “I have a cold” feeling that had mostly been missing for these two weeks...