SomeHowSomeWayEveryDay

Today was rest day. I woke up well-rested after a rice-induced 10-hour sleep. Carbs knock me out, so I don’t do them often, even for treat meals. Slept until almost 8 am. I’ve been getting up between 4 and 5 for a few weeks so it was strange waking up to daylight! I got up and stretched a bit, vertebrae sounding like bubble wrap, but in the best way— just the noise of the air leaving the joints and the relief felt great. No back pain this morning! Yesterday was likely just soreness from all of the core exercises I’ve been doing. Waking up free from back pain always puts the biggest smile on my face. I’m working toward having most of that pain resolved by weight loss and core strengthening so I won’t have to have an epidural again.  After my morning walk, I sat down at the computer and spent some time with my friend who is an illustrator and she helped me finish my logo for my blog. It looks so great and is absolutely “me.” It feels like a dream to be finally starting a writing care...

Went down a size on my sports bra today! Thats the first picture. The second picture is the three stages of #biceptakeover this morning.  This morning was a challenge. For those who caught my video this morning, I shared that today was the first day I woke up with back pain in almost a week. I am grateful that I can say I made it to the 6th day of this week without back pain. That’s amazing. But today I woke up thinking my back was going to call for a rest day today instead of tomorrow. But as I find happening so often now, pain motivates me even more. I knew the gym wasn’t happening, so I plopped down to check in with the live with Jeff.  First thing I heard was “you can sit for this one so there’s no excuses.” Well, ok Coach, why you spying on me? Got my weights out and started doing bicep takeover. Y’all. 7 minutes in, I was broken. Like, could not lift my arms again. Maybe next round, ha! But I gave it what I had. Then I stuck around to do the morning Zumba. I had to ...

It’s been a long day. I arrive at the end and I didn’t take any pictures today so, I give you a quote I’ve been reminding myself of each day.  I’ve been made to feel like I’m doing too much of that (not by anyone in this group!) so I felt a little self-conscious and didn’t take them. As strong as I am now, it’s still a bit hard to shake the negative feelings that come with someone you love not being happy about how you’re changing. Of course, ultimately all that matters is that I’m happy with myself and being the best I can be, but any type of negativity can be stifling, no matter how strong you are, especially when they come from a close source.  The new instructor was at the pool today. She will be heading up Monday and Friday classes. She is younger and very friendly, but the workout was definitely not the same. Nothing about me felt worked out other than my balance. It felt more like a “How Not to Fall” class than aerobics. So, on her days, I’ll be heading to the gym early...

So tired. So, so tired. Someone’s husband kept waking me up last night roleplaying various screeching animals while hanging out with his friends. It was mine, my husband. My energy today was given to me a la coffee which has long since worn off. Pardon any grammar or spelling issues because my brain is still floating in the pool where I left it this morning.  Water aerobics were a blast this morning. I finally went to the deep end for the last 15 minutes of class with the other ladies who were strong/brave enough to. I’ve always been hesitant to because losing the comfort of the floor beneath my feet when my balance fails, as it often does, has felt too much for me. But today was a day to do something new after having to tighten the straps on my bathing suit again! I did much better than I expected. Not only did I not capsize, I found the workout to be much more intensive deeper in the water and could really feel the resistance much better. The last 15 minutes were a better workout...

Some days are just a whirlwind.  You’re going, going, busy, busy and then suddenly realize the day is almost gone. I am enjoying the active life, but it does kind of suck that time seems to be moving more quickly because I’m having fun. Now is when I want time to be the turtle, not the hare. I want every moment to last as long as it can.  5am wake up is the normal now. I do my crunches before I get out of bed, and cuddle my dogs while I get a bottle of water in. I prepare for my day, crochet a little or play a game until it’s time to leave for water fitness. I enjoy this quiet time each morning, before my husband and daughter wake and I am able to center on myself and tell myself all about the awesome day we will have, making plans for the next hurdle and what we will do to celebrate milestones.  Today’s water fitness was subbed so I didn’t get to try to one up my normal instructor. Instead, they sent some athletically built beast of a woman to do the class. She came out ...

First sweaty selfie coming up! What a day! The plan was to go to the outdoor pool today after my appointment. Well, my recently reunited dear Aunt said no, you’re going to be cramping, bloating, miserable and sick this morning instead. I don’t like her, I didn’t miss her, and she can get lost real quick. Anyway, I was determined to get my workout in despite missing water aerobics. After some self-treatment for my woes, I packed my gym bag and called my grandma to tell her I was going to go to the gym and just do whatever I could on machines. She happily came along. When we joined the gym two weeks ago, I could barely last 5 minutes on the bike because it hurt my hip so badly. And as far as how much weight I could do reps with.. it was pathetic. So, I didn’t know what to expect going in there today, I just knew I was going to give it all I could. After figuring out how that blasted recumbent bike at this new location worked, and the two minutes of side glances to see if the others were ...

Ok. Before I get started, I need to get something off my chest. I looked through every guide, every information sheet, and nowhere, NOWHERE, did it prepare me for today. About 2 hours ago, I had a weird cramp. Not weird because I’ve never felt it, but weird because it’s been a looooong time since I have. My eyes narrowed, and I looked at my husband, my face the definition of “that’s suspect” and he cautiously stared back. “WAIT A DAMN MINUTE! NO! WHAT THE $@#%!?” Y’all. No one told me. I haven’t had to entertain old free loading Aunt Flo in 10 months. I thought she had d-i-e-d. Nope. All this activity and health brought her back. I’m not happy. I was so ready for early menopause. I’m in mourning. Alright, that’s being dramatic. I don’t want them back, but I am happy that it may be a sign my body is healing. Anyyyyway. As far as the rest of the day, this morning didn’t go as planned. My grandmother and I made our way to the gym as usual, only to arrive and find the pool closed for repai...

Sorry about the background. I ain’t trying to clean my house as soon as I get home. We had a good day today. I got a short walk in this morning before the blistering heat set in. My husband and daughter decided to sleep in, so it was just me and my old boy. We were both panting by the time we got back to the cabin, but it was worth it. Such a gorgeous area. We got back and he and I hopped in the car and go for a drive. Maybe it’s just my new outlook, but I don’t remember that town being so beautiful. Everything backdropped in green trees and staggering shades of blue as the mountains rose higher in the distance. Brick and river rock buildings that have stood for a century or more, honorably restored. Nearly everything there is closed on Sundays, a tradition I don’t see changing there any time soon. What many people see as an inconvenience, I think it’s a lovely trait of many small towns, that their businesses close on Sundays for family time. Returning to the cabin, I sat on the porch ...

When I stop to reflect on a day that didn’t go how I wanted it to, or that I didn’t reach the goal I set, I struggle to get my words together. I mentally stutter, bits and pieces of what I want to convey or don’t want to have to admit (and I do have to, because I promise to be authentic) just litter my brain. I apologize if this post isn’t as eloquent as I tend to be, but I’m just overwhelmed and underwhelmed at once. I ended up sleeping on a couch last night. The blow-up mattress apparently had something on it that I was allergic to, and I woke up and couldn’t breathe properly. Some allergy meds finally took care of it but I had to park on the couch instead. And it’s an old and pretty saggy one so this morning… my back was bad. Really bad. More medicine and I got to where I could walk, but not far enough to make anything much out of the day. I did some exercises that I could do but it wasn’t enough to feel accomplished today. I tried to take a picture, but my smile wasn’t there today,...

Rolling hills, winding roads, swaying trees and fresh air. I woke up far too early, but I still smiled. Waking up early feels better than waking up late. I did 50 crunches before I got out of bed. 50! 5 weeks ago, I couldn’t do 5. An accomplishment before taking my first step of the day. What a way to begin a day that turned into an adventure. I’m mastering the art of spontaneity. Deciding to live has opened my eyes to the many opportunities I’ve missed over the last few years. And, really, even the past decade—fear, pain and being unreasonably cautious kept me from seeing and doing all I could have. But today, on a whim, I decided we would pack up and go to the mountains. I haven’t been since April 2020 because of the pain of the drive and the difficulty of getting into the cabin because of the rocky steps and path. But screw it, I’m back to life so pain be damned, I was making the trip. The drive was.. horrible. Halfway up, I couldn’t feel my leg anymore and I was having regrets. I s...

The young challenger eyed the alpha female from the shadows, brows knit in determination and focus. She assessed her rival and dug her heels in, waiting for the most opportune moment to pounce. She watched the elder female move gracefully through the water, carefree and smiling, unaware of the danger lurking. The newcomer sensed the moment to act was nigh; she inched forward, eyes on her prize and— “Can I help you?” she was startled out of her hunt by the sound of the community pool lifeguard. “Oh. No, I’m just here for water fitness. Thanks.” Ok, so, I got my rematch. Yesterday morning, I woke up, determined to show that drill sergeant Grandma what I was made of. She may have beaten me Friday, but I had come prepared. I conditioned myself, mentally and physically for that moment. I hopped in the pool, started stretching to limber up and smiled politely at her, with maybe just a hint of “today is my day” in my eyes. And I did it. I got through that workout and worked every bit as hard ...

Today was a much, much better day. A great day, actually! I felt confident enough this morning to stop and go into the gas station in my swimsuit this morning (forgot my water bottle at home). As someone who just 5 weeks ago wouldn’t even wear a quarter sleeve in public, this was huge for me! My doctor added another benzo to my meds. Started it last night and felt pretty good this morning. No rolling out of bed or crawling to get ready; I sat straight up and walked limp-free to the bathroom. Pain was still there so I couldn’t park as far out in the lot as usual for my gym swim class this morning but that’s ok. Missed out on about 20 extra steps but that’s nothing compared to being able to get to the pool without my back wanting to cave like it did yesterday. Workout was awesome! I’m still having trouble balancing myself in the pool. All of my excess weight is on my front, literally all of it, so that doesn’t help, but I also just have a weak core and struggle to get a grip on the pool ...

Today wasn’t my day. So, I choose to focus on gratitude rather than negatives. I am grateful for the pain medication that let me finally sleep last night. I avoid it as much as possible for many reasons, but I know when to stop refusing it. I reached that point at 3am and got some much-needed rest. I am grateful for my teammates, who reminded me not to let sleeping through my alarm this morning ruin my day. Missing my water class this morning because of the medicine-induced sleep was very discouraging but these ladies are always there to remind me to stay focused and give myself grace. I am grateful for the E2M coaches who helped me identify why my pain has been so severe. This knowledge will help me tremendously going forward. I am grateful for my husband who stays flexible, cheering me on to be independent but can switch to providing me physical and emotional support when I need it. I am grateful for those of you making this a safe space to share and speak, because I can have a day l...

Today was a roller coaster. I made it through the climb, through the loop, the twists and turns, and now that the ride is pulling back in, the station (aka my body), is worn. I may have pushed too hard, but damn it, life was calling, and I didn’t want to tell it to hold on. This post will be even longer than usual, sorry! I don’t know if I’m still feeling the aftermath of Friday, or if I have an actual injury. As I’ve said before, I’m so out of touch with my body and with working out that I can’t tell what is a normal ache or pain and what is my body actually hurt. I woke up this morning still in a significant amount of pain. My spine, my hips, my shoulders. Today was the last day my epidural injection had to start working or the doctor said it wouldn’t work at all. Waking up with the realization that my best shot for relief from my pain was now gone, I cried. I can’t explain how disheartening it is to know I’m stuck with this pain for this entire journey. It’s the only thing I’ve want...

Y’all gonna have to roll right along with my eye bags and wild hair today. It was a long night and a wild day, and I have something I want to talk to y’all about. And there’s homework at the end! If you read my post yesterday, you’ll know I got my butt whooped—up, down, sideways and backward. The ache never let up. All night, I tossed and turned in bed, whimpering and trying to find a position, any position, that I could rest. Never did. What little sleep I got was from just passing out wherever the exhaustion left me. At 6am, I gave up on sleep and crawled out of bed. The walk to the bathroom felt like it could be my last. I sat on the toilet and covered my face with my shaky hands. I could feel the ever-familiar feeling of hopelessness creeping into my foggy and sleep-starved brain. For a moment, I felt fear. Fear I couldn’t do this. Fear this feeling wouldn’t go away. Fear I was just going to fail again. And, in the past, that moment I had this morning would have been the end of my ...

Getting this post together is not what I feel like doing right now but let’s get it. I remember a time when I exercised and it was easy, it was fun, it felt wonderful, and I looked forward to the next day. Oh wait, that time was yesterday. It was just yesterday that I thought “heeyyy, much easy, such fun, very yay!” I absolutely won yesterday and felt like a goddess of victory. Today, I was the goddess of “ow, shit, ow, ow, ow.” I woke up so hyped for water aerobics. Happy, happy in my steps as I chugged a bottle of water and got dressed. Pulled up to my grandmother’s drive and I mimicked her grumpy face and told her to perk up. She wasn’t feeling it this morning, but she let me cheer her up. We had a nice talk on our way to the gym and I told her I hoped I didn’t get sunburned at the indoor pool again today. She still can't believe I’m that deficient in melanin. I got in the pool, and there was an elderly lady teaching the class. I was like… E Z mode. I got out the big weights and...