OH BOY OH BOY!

-

Today was... something else.

First things first, around 9pm last night, I noticed my back pain worsening. See, I came home from the imaging yesterday and started on cleaning/organizing the house (hence, the mess in the background) so I could start finding things to sell. Basically, I stayed active most of the evening. I guess after the extra walking and then pushing, pulling, cleaning, bending from 4 hours of housework just was more than my back was ready for. But damn, it felt good to accomplish so much!
So, I knew today would be physically challenging. How challenging though, I wasn’t prepared for. Oh boy. Last night was our cheat meal. Oh boy, oh boy! I took the advice of the OGs here and went big. I had half a spicy fried chicken sandwich, 6 jalapeño poppers, and a slice of cheesecake (and a couple extra units of insulin). OMG it was so good. WAS. This is the key word. 3am rolls around and OH FREAKING BOY. I’ve been sick ever since. Cheesecake wasn’t worth. Think I’ll just, uh, skip the dessert next week.
HOWEVER! Despite being conjoined with the toilet and overworking my back yesterday, I spent a few of my off-doody times doing seated circuits because I ain’t stopping. I suck at them, good grief I‘m weak, but I did them. I huffed, I grunted, I squealed and a few times I smacked my head on my desk out of frustration, but I did them. At the end of 8 weeks, I want to be able to get through all 5 rounds in one sitting, but right now I can only do two at a time before the dumbbells become 300lbs instead of 3.
“Keeeeeep moving”, I keep telling myself. “Just move and one day, moving will be easy.” One day at a time!



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Impromptu Rest Day

-
Image
Impromptu rest day today. I woke up too early, with a headache. I got on my recumbent for 10 minutes then switched over to the rowing machine, but only got about 4 minutes in before the headache got too strong to continue exerting. I was hoping some coffee and water would break my headache, but alas, it’s been 12 hours and it’s still here. I rarely got headaches before I had the epidural injection back in July, but now I have them often, some days much worse than others. I still find a reason to smile though, every day! I put on my self-rep shirt for coffee today. Some memories popped up on my widget screen and I couldn’t help but be astounded by the changes in my face, not just the size, but the proportions have changed so much. Even my nose, it’s crazy. I don’t even know what I’m going to look like when I get to a healthy weight because I’ve been morbidly obese since 4th grade. You’re all on this adventure with me, and I have no idea where we are going, but I’m loving the journey. Th...
Read more

The Most Monday of Mondays

-
Image
Last night, my mindset slipped. Any of you who know what PMDD is knows it can be a psychological nightmare. I have been hospitalized because of it before, so it’s a major issue for me, mentally and emotionally. I managed to fall asleep before it caused any serious problems, but the seed of doubt was planted. This morning, I woke up feeling very down. I messaged Anna and told her I needed encouragement today. I explained how I was feeling—that my success wasn’t real, my eyes were deceiving me, that I measured wrong, that I was even bigger now than I had been before. I felt like a whale. When I looked at my pictures, and looked in the mirror, I felt like I looked bigger than I did when this started. It was a scarily realistic deception my brain was playing on me this morning. Anna gave me words of encouragement, but they didn’t stick at first. I had a doctor’s appointment this morning so, my routine being thrown off wasn’t helpful either. My nurse and doctor even complimented my appeara...
Read more

Health Anxiety

-
Image
I didn’t get home until midnight last night, fell into bed and cried myself to sleep. Shame and fear. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this in a group post, and it’s really vulnerable for me to open up about like this, but I suffer from severe health anxiety. If you have it, you know well what that means. For those unfamiliar, it’s basically like living with the constant worry that every little pain or illness that happens to you is because you’re dying. Random pain in your arm, it’s a heart attack. Bump on your skin, it’s cancer. Lymph nodes swollen, it’s lymphoma. Like…it’s exhausting. I had health anxiety as a child because I went through several scares with my health around puberty, that’s a loooong story. After my mom passed and I stopped caring about life, it improved. But then after having my daughter and the pandemic, it became worse than ever. My anxiety has been heightened ever since my mysterious chest pain started a couple of months ago, but I handled it well. Until I g...
Read more