The Unexpected Foe

Getting this post together is not what I feel like doing right now but let’s get it.

I remember a time when I exercised and it was easy, it was fun, it felt wonderful, and I looked forward to the next day. Oh wait, that time was yesterday. It was just yesterday that I thought “heeyyy, much easy, such fun, very yay!” I absolutely won yesterday and felt like a goddess of victory. Today, I was the goddess of “ow, shit, ow, ow, ow.”

I woke up so hyped for water aerobics. Happy, happy in my steps as I chugged a bottle of water and got dressed. Pulled up to my grandmother’s drive and I mimicked her grumpy face and told her to perk up. She wasn’t feeling it this morning, but she let me cheer her up. We had a nice talk on our way to the gym and I told her I hoped I didn’t get sunburned at the indoor pool again today. She still can't believe I’m that deficient in melanin.

I got in the pool, and there was an elderly lady teaching the class. I was like… E Z mode. I got out the big weights and did some stretching while we waited for the start time. I wasn’t as talkative today, because my throat got pretty sore yesterday, since we can’t have drinks during class. The little woman at the front started to talk and then YELLED AT US. She went from cute grandma to martial law tyrant.

20 minutes in, I was internally screaming. 40 minutes in, I was tunneling into a self-preservation hole somewhere, when 60 minutes rang out, I very nearly fell asleep right where I was in the pool. The class I went to this morning was apparently the equivalent of cross fit in the water. I don’t know how I made it. I could not lift my arms afterward. I dreaded, so much dreaded getting out of the pool because I didn’t know if my arms could drag me up the ramp. I made a mortal enemy of a 75 year old woman today.

The pain as I climbed out of the pool was.. it almost broke me, but I turned it into a motivation. That pain will go nowhere if I don’t keep going. That pain will become NOTHING if I keep moving. So, you know what, grandma? I’ll see you Monday, and I want a rematch. After I sleep off this soreness.

I didn’t take any new pictures today, but I did some side-by-side comparisons to help encourage me, because I really needed it after getting completely schooled and damn near humiliated by a woman more than twice my age. The physical changes are small, but I see them, especially in my face and my sides. But what the best and most noticeable change is in my eyes. There’s only the faintest flicker in that first photo I showed here. The tiniest amount of strength I could find to start a new journey. And now, there’s life, there’s HOPE, there is courage and tenacity. A new fire was lit behind these eyes, and it burns bright every day.

Somehow, some way, every day, I am besting myself.