I'm 100%

I quite literally had to smack myself to get the energy to post. Physically exhausted in the best way, but emotionally squished so extra, extra drained. Not at all sad, just need to take time to refill my cup tomorrow so I can keep pouring from it. Nothing, absolutely nothing makes me happier than to build up and encourage others, but I gotta get my refuelin’ on tomorrow because I nearly ran out of pep talks today.

Which reminds me. The only people in this group who knew me before E2M, my aunt Carla and my husband Patrick, are surely baffled by my attitude now. I was the embodiment of depression and pessimism, holding onto life for no reason but my daughter, to not leave her without a mother as she grows. My mother left this world when I was 19 and even at that age, I couldn’t hold my life together without her. So I pressed forward each day, my only determination to not leave my daughter broken like I was if I could do anything about it. I know my husband is in disbelief of how I’ve changed, mentally and emotionally probably more so than physically. I radiate joy, infectious happiness, and crave the experience of every day. I’m not the same woman he married and certainly not the same woman he has tried his best to hold up the last couple of years.

Anyway, onto the day! We went swimming today since we got rained out yesterday. I did my best to get all my exercise with my wrist weights in despite losing count more times than I could…count, because of a precious little three-year-old in a pink pineapple bathing suit swimming laps around me. She loves the water, and she loves it even more now that her mommy is sharing that with her. I gave up and succumbed to the playful antics and just left the weights on the whole time. I have to admit, on the way over to the pool (this is a family member’s pool), I was afraid it was going to be just as difficult to get in and out using that ladder. But I held onto how much I’ve changed in the month it has been since I’ve been there and didn’t let the fear grip me. I’m happy to report, I was able to get in and out with much more grace and less wobbly legs. No fear at all anymore!

While talking in the group chat with my #teamGutBusters teammates, Anna brought up something that was on my mind earlier today. This is the first program I’ve ever done where I didn’t feel like it was 100% or nothing. Where I didn’t give up just because I wasn’t “100%” on everything. Because if we’re going to talk about percentages, I’m way more than 100% better than I was 6 weeks ago and I sure as hell have done 100% better than I thought I could. And my body has given me back 100% of the work I put in. So yeah. I’m 100% whether it’s someone else’s 100% or not. I’ve talked before about the parosmia that is plaguing me. Dairy and eggs are the only things that taste good to me right now. So yeah, it’s the end of week 6 but I’m still having some dairy and eat eggs for at least two meals a day. But that’s my 100% until the doctors figure out how to help me with my smell and taste dysfunction. And I’m not the least bit discouraged by having to add that in so that I can get the healthy foods in too.

When we finally made it home, my new pedal exerciser had arrived, so even in my down time, while I watch tv or game or crochet (or make these long posts), I can be exercising and strengthening that left leg! Exciiiiting!

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to react or comment on my posts. You guys give me strength and courage every day! I didn’t take a body pic today because we had an unexpectedly eventful day with family things and a very irritable sun-tired toddler. But I snapped this picture after the pool because I was really feeling how my curls were looking! I hope everyone has the best Monday possible and a strong start to week 7!