My sanity...

I’m writing this post during a much needed sanity break from the two-week workload that was dropped in my lap a little after noon today with a deadline of Monday morning. I may have to put in a sleepless night tonight so preserving my sanity is important.

Saturdays, I usually do a family day, but the husband and kiddo didn’t sleep well last night, so I decided to go to the gym when they opened and do my normal routine. My chest has been feeling much better (costochondritis) so I upped my weight today to what it was at before the doctor told me to slow my rolls. That burn felt so freaking good. I’ve missed feeling my arms pushed to their limits. Great news, it didn’t irritate my chest either! I’m proud of myself for waiting for my body to heal instead of continuing to fight the pain like I wanted to. Knowing when to dial it back is just as important as knowing when to ramp it up. Slow and steady is always better than a speedy burnout.

After my workout, my new gym bag and I had a disagreement that led to it dumping my clean, dry clothes onto the shower floor. I picked them up and stared at them. I’m not kidding you, I just stared at my wet clothes for a solid 5 minutes. Have you ever been left motionless by something unexpected that seems disproportionally catastrophic in the moment? That was me and those clothes. It was a tense and dramatic 5 minutes as I debated my options: 1) spend 30 minutes, possibly the last 30 minutes of my life, trying to get the wet swimsuit back on; 2) call my grandmother 40 minutes away and beg her to bring me clothes; 3) put on the wet clothes and hope no one noticed it looks like I peed myself; 4) sit in that shower until my clothes dried. I finally snapped out of it and choose option 3 with an addendum to tell the front desk how dramatically inconvenient it is that there are no hand dryers in the bathroom.

On the way out the door, someone commented about me being a winner whether I win a contest or not. And they’re right! I already won so much. But I told her if I won a contest, I’d be a winner at Disney World. And that made me want to share the story about why I have tickets to Disney this winter. I’ve only shared this with my grandmother because it was a very emotional decision for me. This past December, I felt my life was ending. I was so sick. I couldn’t walk by myself, I couldn’t shower alone, I had constant vision problems and severe vertigo. Kidneys were infected and showing signs of failure, I was swelling like a balloon. Broken, vomiting, low oxygen, anemia… it was terrible. I genuinely didn’t think I wouldn’t be here much longer.

Ever since my daughter was born, there’s been one memory I wanted to make sure to share with her. I wanted to be the one to take her to Disney World; to make sure she got to go, to get to see the magic fill her eyes and soul, and to ensure she had that one unforgettable memory of us together. So, I did something well outside my means to make sure I could do that, hopefully before something happened to me. Luckily, I found a place to stay while we’re there, and I’m looking forward to taking her. Thankfully, the doctors did eventually think to check me again for diabetes and since being on treatment for that, most of those symptoms improved or disappeared! And since starting E2M, most everything is unnoticeable or completely manageable. I no longer feel like this trip to Disney is my last hope for making memories with my daughter, but rather the first of many memories I’ll be making with her! What was a decision I made out of fear at first, but now choose to motivate me to be well, so I can do that trip without disability!

The high from realizing what that trip represents to me now did not last long because I got surprised by “oh, I thought I had already dropped off my tax records with you months ago… I need everything done by Monday morning.” I’ve been feeling the stress pretty hard, but you know what? I’ve done a lot of hard things the last 8 weeks so this will just be another one I’ll tackle.

I know it’s the weekend, the end of the round, and I’m sure there are people dealing with thoughts of taking a break from exercise next week or going off the food plan. SQUASH those thoughts. This is a new life, not just an 8 week challenge. Don’t slow your progress or make the next round harder by stopping now. Let’s keep going hard, ‘til we reach all our goals! Rock week 0 like you want to rock the rest of your life. Pictures below are of me and my gym friend Amanda (and the rubber ducky who showed up too!), and messages she sent me that made me smile so big! Hopefully you all will be seeing her here next round. I haven’t told her yet but I’m working on getting together funds so she can join us! Back to work for me for now! Have a great weekend!