Yesterday's Fog Moved into My Brain

I have mentally stuttered for hours figuring out how to start this post. PMDD is a rude mistress. Of all the things E2M has given back to me, this is the only thing I was fine being without. My brain is kind of foggy today but will do my best to make sense!

I woke up in a foul mood this morning. I stayed up last night to catch the live and the contest results. The results weren’t announced and for some reason, it made me unable to sleep. It was almost midnight before I fell asleep, but my 4am brain still woke me up. I was grumpy, grumpy. But I got up, got ready and drove to the gym anyway. Apparently, my gym relies on a single person showing up on time to be open and she was late. I sat in the car plucking my lady goatee until she finally arrived 40 minutes later. I was so proud of myself for staying and hoping someone would show up instead of using it as an excuse to go home and not workout. Old me would have gone home immediately!

The gym was empty this morning. Several cars had pulled in while I was waiting and most left after a few minutes. So, I had the whole pool to myself. I’ve been dealing with some feelings of being antisocial. I think most creative types feel that way from time to time. After I had a child, these periods of needing more alone time got more frequent. I’ve been fighting this one though, because I want to learn how to cope in a healthier way than seeking solitude. But there was something very calming about being the only one moving the water or making noise in that huge space. Each time I broke water, it resonated within me, like I could feel the outline of my muscles as they pushed and pulled against the resistance. I’ve never noticed that I could feel my true form and not just the skin and fat. Maybe because I was so weak before.

I felt so much better after the work out. I always do. It has replaced food as stress relief for me. I know if I don’t get that workout in first thing in the morning, the rest of the day will be harder to get through, emotionally. Of all the times in my life that I’ve tried exercising, I never did it in the mornings. I was always the person going in the evenings or even overnight, and I genuinely think that doing it in the mornings has been why I have been more capable of keeping myself on a routine. Same with the fasting. I’ve tried it before but would always fail. Eating early and being in bed early has been the key to conquering the late evening cravings that always kicked me down. This didn’t just give me a fitness plan to follow, it gave me an entirely new lifestyle that goes far beyond food and exercise. It has improved every aspect of my health and home.

The next round is almost here! Please, please take your photos and measurements before it starts! The scale may not always give you feedback, but those things definitely will, and could make or break your resolve on days the scale is unkind. And tonight, write down at least 5 goals you are setting for yourself during these 8 weeks. Tomorrow, share them, with family, friends, accountability partners and this group! Let everyone help you stay focused on your goals and celebrate your successes with you.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the weekend, and I can’t wait to kick off Monday with you all! Sweaty selfie (had to hold my sleeve up because the shirt is too big) on blast because bloat isn’t going to make for a good comparison pic.