I Am a Lioness

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For the last 8 weeks, prior to this week, I had felt like a beast. A proud lioness. The magic of having pain shots in my spine. In that little time, I forgot the pain, because my brain is very good at repressing painful memories. I had forgotten how to crawl through the grass after having been able to walk my Savannah proudly. I’ve been forced to crawl. But I have realized, a lioness forced to submit is still no less a powerful creature. I am still a powerful woman.
I woke up in a cold sweat at 3:15 this morning, fevered and shivering. My body is fighting something off. I took some Tylenol and laid back down then woke up around 9 feeling a bit better. Fever never came back. ??? My body works in mysterious ways that even my doctors cannot explain. I once ran a 100.5 fever for two months and they never found out why. This vessel is a strange one. Since I felt alright, I got on my recumbent cross trainer and did as much as I could. It wasn’t much. Any position other than hunched over is nearly unbearable. I have to keep my spine curved to keep the pressure off my L5/S1 disc that has caused my nerve to protrude and be pinched. I may become the hunchback of Greenville soon.
I’ve stayed on plan with food today though my eating window is going to get a bit flubbed tonight since I’m having to shift it over the next few days because of my husband’s new work schedule. Still working on my water. My appetite/thirst isn’t very strong right now, maybe because of the medication, but I mindfully chug water at intervals so I can get it all in.
I accomplished one thing today, getting all of my and my daughter's clothes from the random drawers and boxes I had them in around the house and onto hangers so they can be hung in the new closet my dad is installing for me. I also got all the socks and undies and swimsuits organized into the little storage bins that slide into the new shelf. It’s a small accomplishment, but I’m still proud because in the past, I would have just stayed in bed all day with this pain. I’m trying to “actively rest” by doing light work around the house with long intervals.
My Nan has my heart up in the mountains with her this weekend, so your picture for today is of our FaceTime conversation that was mostly spoken in dog because my Pop spoiled my daughter with a whole set of Paw Patrol plushes. Pretty sure she got new clothes too. Grandparents are the best at spoiling kids.
I am still here, still strong, and still have the heart of a lioness whether my body can prowl on or not. I’ll push through this trial until I can get relief again, and I’ll be back even stronger and more determined to shed this weight that pulls my back down. I missed you all this morning, I cried seeing the pictures from the meetup. I would have given anything to have been able to go without sacrificing my health. But I know there will be another that I can make. Can we start a petition for a Greenville, SC meet up?



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