Nana Forgot Me!

It took 33 years, but my grandmother finally forgot to pick me up.

It was 7:23am. I was cold, wet from the torrential downpour, and my stomach was gnawing at my backbone. (I had the AC on, in the car with the window cracked, and had heartburn.) I had called her earlier to make sure she was awake and on her way. She said was leaving soon, so I hung up and waited. And waited. And waited. 45 minutes passed as I sat alone in the parking lot for my darling Nana to pick me up. I finally called again. “Are you on your way??” She says she’s here. My head turns all directions. “Here where, exactly?” She’s already at the Y! “You FORGOT ME!” She had just driven her happy little butt to the gym while I sat waiting for her. I forgave her though, I mean, one mistake in 33 years is pretty freaking forgivable. I love her so much.

So, I drove to the gym myself and hopped in the pool after a quick picture. It’s time for new shorts. They’re actually higher than my swim top band in the back because of how high I have to pull them up from being a few sizes too large now. I only had time for my usual leg workout before water fitness started so I did my arm workout and chatted with Amanda during the class. No idea why but I was super sore today after. One thing I’ve noticed is my body is very different day to day. Probably further into a fitness journey, muscles and joints become more consistent, but mine act like they are going through puberty.

I was feeling pretty good after I got home. About an hour later though, I started feeling very tired, weak and dizzy. First, I thought maybe my blood sugar was low because I hadn’t eaten for about 6 hours, but I checked, and it was fine. Decided to check my blood pressure since my medication had been adjusted up a little after a slightly high reading at my last appointment. My blood pressure was 89/53. No wonder I felt horrible. While thinking back on my doctor visit, it dawned on me that my BP had probably been elevated because of the extra-long walk and stairs, and when they had rechecked it before I left, I had been doing crunches and leg lifts while waiting on the doctor. I sent my doctor a message and had to lie down to sleep it off. I managed to get it up a little (pic below) but I still don’t feel great. I know that’s “normal” but I don’t feel well at that number, maybe because my body is so much larger than “normal” too.

Cardio, workouts and most of my water in today though, despite feeling like doodoo. That’s why I always do everything in the mornings, before my body or my brain have time to make me not want to. Also, I noticed a slight improvement in my taste buds today and was able to stomach some greens. I probably shouldn’t get my hopes up but I have! I want to eat veggies without gagging again!

I mentioned in a comment on Cori’s post this morning how much my relationship with food has changed because of E2M. Food isn’t an occasion for me anymore. It has no social, mental or emotional ties for me any longer. Something I have been so desperate to accomplish for decades, and I reached that point in less than two months. I only eat because I have to now, not for any kind of comfort or pleasure. Just one more thing I will forever be grateful to this place for.

My last note today, especially for NGs is this: when you’re on a fitness journey, the scale means next to nothing. I have lost almost 50lbs, but I weigh 30 pounds more now than I did 8 years ago. I found those same clothes from back then and they fit better now than they did then. The greatest thing I did for myself was drop the weight goals, forget the scale and focus on strength. I will never again care what the scale says, only what my body feels.

#inspirefire