Pickles! Just...Pickles.

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I’m posting this early today because I know I’m going to have another rough day. My chances of getting to the meet up tomorrow are slim and I am trying not to get emotional to the point of shutting down. Please don’t let me do that. A little shoutout this morning to Cory and Wanda who are in my inbox every day, encouraging me. It goes a long way, especially today.
I’m so deep in my feelings this morning. I woke up with no feeling in my left leg and my back locked down. Pain is one thing, I can power through that. But total numbness and inability to stand is another. My body is tired. And I think it’s calling for me to be patient, and rest. And I’m so defiant that I keep pushing myself to do more. To finish a workout even if I’m in tears. To keep saying no, I won’t rest. To make promises I shouldn’t keep. Last night, my dad and I had a long talk about all the reasons it would be unwise and unsafe for me to go to Atlanta tomorrow now that my back is in this condition again, and I’m struggling to accept it even though he is right. I’ve been looking forward to this for over a month. I had a shirt custom made for it, a bright rainbow piece. I’m heartbroken. I haven’t given up hope just yet, though. There’s still 24 hours for divine intervention, and my bag is already packed, just in case.
So many things this week have tried to crush my spirit. But it remains strong. I am not discouraged, I’m not tempted to give up, I’m not dissuaded from continuing this journey and achieving the health and physique I want. I am living the consequences of over a decade of inaction. I restarted an engine that hadn’t been run in 13 years, and I am damn proud of that. When I look at how far I have come in 12 weeks, just three months, I am astonished. I have to shift my focus this week. Instead of pushing my back to comply to my will, I’m going to try to give it what it needs. Seated circuits and my new recumbent cross trainer are going to be my best friends this week. I’ll try this my back’s way and if it doesn’t work, I’ll just go back to busting it next week. If a direction we are moving stops working, we have to seek another path. I’m grateful that E2M offers more than one pathway to victory.
Also, one thing last night put a huge smile on my face. Pickles. PICKLES. I haven’t been excited about a menu choice in the whole time I’ve been here but I squealed in delight when I saw that. If you live in my town and can’t find any pickles this week, sorry!



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