No Rest for the Rest Day

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Rest day wasn’t very restful. Stress level is off the charts, honestly. I woke up this morning with both of my wrists screaming, hands numb and a feeling like my spine has been tied in a knot in the middle of my back. One of my bad discs is there (T4) so I’m crossing every available appendage that I haven’t done something to worsen it. I have a surgery consult on the 10th for my wrists.
I think I’ve mentioned my wrists before, but I have severe carpal tunnel syndrome, with multiple ganglion cysts. I was supposed to have them repaired before Covid hit. The pain had become mostly bearable during my completely inactive 2 years, but since I started exercising again, they’ve progressed to become even worse than they were then. Even holding my phone to text causes searing pain. I have still been putting off surgery though, because I don’t want to be down from being able to swim or do arm exercises, but I think it’s come to the point I don’t have much choice anymore, because I’m starting to lose use of my hands anyway. If you’ve had carpal tunnel repair before, let me know if I can ask you about your experience.
We left to pick up our sweet dog as soon as my daughter woke up. I knew we were in for a long recovery for her but woooooweeeeee I didn’t actually know what we were getting into. They said she doesn’t really have any pain anymore, but she doesn’t want to use her legs. I feel bad for my husband because Mawa is so heavy that I’m not able to walk her until she doesn’t need the sling anymore. She and I just stare at each other like “yeah, me too” while I pet her. But she is peeing without help which is wonderful. I wish I could take her swimming with me once her incision heals, but I don’t know anyone with a winter pool. She will persevere though, just like me. This busted back bond she and I have now is going to add another dimension to my fitness journey as she accompanies me in my quest for healing.
Once we were home and everyone was fed and settled, I was able to take my meds and we know what that means. I’ve been unconscious since 3pm. I’m fighting every day to get my life back. To beat my pain. To triumph over what I have allowed myself to become. I did this to myself, but rather than wallow in self-pity, I’m taking responsibility for my actions and inaction and getting this done. For me, for the life I want, for my daughter, for the life I want to give her. I am capable, I am determined, I am willing. I will be victorious.





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