Spring Cleaning the House and Life

Sometimes, one of the most precious gifts you can give yourself is to take yourself away from someone else. That’s never an easy task, and often feels completely wrong when you do it. But in these situations where it’s the right decision for you, you’ll find that afterward, you find peace with it.

I woke up this morning in the mood to get things done. My mind much clearer, my heart much lighter, and my emotions much more stable. I got straight out of bed, in my swimsuit and out the door. Today was bittersweet though, as it is my last day of going out for breakfast. I’m going to miss my girls and their daily morning encouragement, but for the sake of finances and staying on plan, it’s what I have to do. Because of my husband’s new, permanent work schedule, I’ve made the decision to move my eating window to have lunch and dinner rather than breakfast and lunch. Once I adjust to the new morning routine of Stok coffee and straight to the gym, I think I’ll be better off since resisting having dinner with him has been not only difficult, but sometimes evokes sadness. So, I’m trading my breakfast alone for dinner together.

I had an especially good workout this morning. I had the pool to myself, actually remembered my headphones, and could really feel every movement in my muscles. As I was leaving, Amanda commented on how much smaller my midsection has gotten. Between that and a lovely surprise gift from Joe, I left feeling happy happy. I had to rush home again, something I do not enjoy since I prefer to be a very careful and relaxed driver, but I got home safely. My daughter and I spent some quality time together before she went to visit her aunt today. I went to pick her up a few hours later and my aunt commented on how good my eyebrows look. I loooove that she noticed. I had lost the outer portion of my eyebrows over the last few years, and they have grown back on E2M for whatever reason. I love it!

We had to take Mawa to get her staples out today. She wasn’t quite ready for them to be removed Monday but they’re out now and she’s so much more comfortable. She has been the happiest dog today, just like my sweet girl was before all of this. The entire way home, she just laid her head in my daughter’s lap. They’re so close and it touches my heart. My first dog as a child was a tri-color pit bull mix with the same colors so Mawa and Bryn remind me of me and Chauncey. It’s beautiful. The vet said they expect Mawa will be walking on her own in less than a week, but we need to keep her on crate rest for two more weeks and bring her in for another check up on the 27th.

I know the biggest reason for my better mental state today. I made the hard decision to gift myself the removal of damaging relationships in my life. Specifically, 3 of them that have been harmful to my journey. One who not only was not supportive but went out of the way to make my journey more difficult. One who held me on only as a last resort kind of thing. And one whose mental health issues became issues for me as well. In that last situation, it was very difficult for me to say goodbye. It’s not his fault he has those issues, but he refused to get help, and I suffered for it. We are not obligated to help someone who won’t help themselves. We aren’t obligated to try to play therapist to someone. If they won’t get help, sometimes you have to just walk away so they don’t pull you down with them. I finally noticed that my moods had gotten much more unstable after spending more time with him lately. Once I put that together, I offered once more to help him get help, he declined and so I told him it was best for me to walk away. I’ll worry about him, of course, and hope my actions don’t worsen his situation, but I promised myself to put my own well-being first in my life and that friendship had the potential to be the catalyst to end my journey, so I had to put ME first. Put yourselves first. You deserve that.

Anyway! We just got home about an hour ago, had our treat meal and are relaxing before tomorrow begins Operation: Spring Cleaning in October. I told my husband all I want for my birthday is a clean house. I hope you all have a great weekend, enjoy your treat meals. Stay positive and on track.