Fighting a Dumb Gut

-
I have never been more proud of myself for going to the gym than I was this morning. I woke up after only a few hours of sleep and I just did not want to do it. Not for any of the many excuses I could have used but that deep-seated feeling that almost makes you wonder if something bad will happen if you don’t listen. But I went anyway. I even almost turned around several times. This is why I put my swimsuit on at home instead of at the gym though, so I can keep saying “you’re already in your suit, may as well go.” 

I still don’t know why I felt that way. Only bad thing that happened was my headache coming back. I didn’t even have to use the inhaler today. So yay for my gut being wrong, haha. Maybe as my belly shrinks, its “brain” is getting smaller too. 

Christmas ornament crafting with my little girl today, but otherwise staying home on a dreary day and preparing for the cold front coming in tonight. I may not be able to get to the gym tomorrow, just depends on whether I can breathe outside with it 10 degrees with pneumonia lungs. I’ll try but if it hurts, not going to push it and will just do a circuit at home as best as I can. 

Thanks for all the well wishes! Other than the headache (that I think is just sinus related), I’m feeling better today than yesterday so I’m headed the right direction. All I want for Christmas is to be able to climb the stairs for the party without coughing and losing my E2M bladder. 😂

Picture from October to today. Same outfit (just faded)!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Impromptu Rest Day

-
Image
Impromptu rest day today. I woke up too early, with a headache. I got on my recumbent for 10 minutes then switched over to the rowing machine, but only got about 4 minutes in before the headache got too strong to continue exerting. I was hoping some coffee and water would break my headache, but alas, it’s been 12 hours and it’s still here. I rarely got headaches before I had the epidural injection back in July, but now I have them often, some days much worse than others. I still find a reason to smile though, every day! I put on my self-rep shirt for coffee today. Some memories popped up on my widget screen and I couldn’t help but be astounded by the changes in my face, not just the size, but the proportions have changed so much. Even my nose, it’s crazy. I don’t even know what I’m going to look like when I get to a healthy weight because I’ve been morbidly obese since 4th grade. You’re all on this adventure with me, and I have no idea where we are going, but I’m loving the journey. Th...
Read more

The Most Monday of Mondays

-
Image
Last night, my mindset slipped. Any of you who know what PMDD is knows it can be a psychological nightmare. I have been hospitalized because of it before, so it’s a major issue for me, mentally and emotionally. I managed to fall asleep before it caused any serious problems, but the seed of doubt was planted. This morning, I woke up feeling very down. I messaged Anna and told her I needed encouragement today. I explained how I was feeling—that my success wasn’t real, my eyes were deceiving me, that I measured wrong, that I was even bigger now than I had been before. I felt like a whale. When I looked at my pictures, and looked in the mirror, I felt like I looked bigger than I did when this started. It was a scarily realistic deception my brain was playing on me this morning. Anna gave me words of encouragement, but they didn’t stick at first. I had a doctor’s appointment this morning so, my routine being thrown off wasn’t helpful either. My nurse and doctor even complimented my appeara...
Read more

Health Anxiety

-
Image
I didn’t get home until midnight last night, fell into bed and cried myself to sleep. Shame and fear. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this in a group post, and it’s really vulnerable for me to open up about like this, but I suffer from severe health anxiety. If you have it, you know well what that means. For those unfamiliar, it’s basically like living with the constant worry that every little pain or illness that happens to you is because you’re dying. Random pain in your arm, it’s a heart attack. Bump on your skin, it’s cancer. Lymph nodes swollen, it’s lymphoma. Like…it’s exhausting. I had health anxiety as a child because I went through several scares with my health around puberty, that’s a loooong story. After my mom passed and I stopped caring about life, it improved. But then after having my daughter and the pandemic, it became worse than ever. My anxiety has been heightened ever since my mysterious chest pain started a couple of months ago, but I handled it well. Until I g...
Read more